The Secret Blog has moved . . . .

The kind people at ttblogs.com have offered me a safe haven over at http://ttblogs.com/patrickmanning, so from now on I’ll be blogging over there.

Hope nobody finds out about this one or bookmarks the site or subscribes to the feed . . . .

Advice from Portia

Just off the phone with Portia. Called mainly to wish her success in the upcoming election and congratulate her on the unprecedented peacefulness of this year’s campaign season, but also for us to pray together. It’s a long time since we’ve done that.

I asked her if she thought it was okay if I prayed for something bad to happen to André Monteil. “Like ‘ow bad?” she asked. I said maybe not death, but perhaps a severe illness, or an accident. She said she she thought that was fine – those were no worse than some of the things she’s prayed would happen to Bruce Golding. Portia said God has told her personally that he makes special exceptions for things that are clearly in the national interest.

A Prime Minister’s to-do list #2

1. Return the iPhone and the case of single malt whisky sent to the house by Larry Achong and Franklin Khan, respectively

2. Decide whether my membership in the Facebook group “Douglarize the Nation” will be a help or hindrance in the upcoming election

3. Call Portia and find out how she arrived at September 3 as the revised date for the Jamaica election (i.e. did she dream it or was she advised by her pastor?)

An Open Letter to Hazel

Dear Hazel –

So you got in again. Satisfied, now? I realise this is a losing battle. You are way ahead of me in the computer game, having owned one since the day the government purchased that first batch of PCs for the primary school computerisation programme (I’ll never forget how long it took us to scrub off the “Biche Government Primary School” that was stencilled on the case). So I’m not going to do anything further to keep you out. But you should know that this is a place where I’ll be expressing some of my deepest, darkest thoughts, and it’s not going to be pretty. Hope you have the belly to deal with it.

You’ve never been able to see old Patos with anything, have you? This takes me right back to 2001, when you were hounding me down for that ministerial post. “His and her ministries,” you used to say, “to match the towels!” No, I said, no way. You’re not qualified to be a government minister. Then you pointed at the lineup of proposed cabinet members and I had to agree that being qualified for the post didn’t seem to be one of the selection criteria. But I stood my ground. Nobody was going to accuse Patos of being a nepotist.

So much to spend, so little time….

Pats, sweetheart, I don’t know what make you think the blog is “Hazel-proofed”. The only reason I haven’t stopped in here for a few days is that I’ve been so busy getting my hair done, checking out Carnival costumes for next year, and looking at upholstery fabric swatches. A minister’s life is full of responsibilities. I don’t know where you find the time to be online so much all of a sudden. But that’s always your story, eh, one craze after another. Vaps! you dream about a tall building, so for months is only skyscraper this and skyscraper that. Vaps! you dream about a smokestack, so the whole country must get involved in smelter and anti-smelter and Tantie smelter, and look all the trouble that cause. So now is the internet. Have mercy. Good thing all this happen after the budget done read, else you would have put in some kind of blog tax or something.

No hope for the youth

Why is it so hard to find a competent IT advisor in this town? You’d think with all the free tertiary education the PNM has given the people the place would be overrun with then.

After a person bearing the rather alarming sobriquet of “manbeater” left two somewhat unpleasant comments on the blog again this morning, I summoned Christine S’s nephew (my then IT advisor) to Whitehall. The ten year-old took his cool time to arrive, and when he did, I must say I was quite taken aback at the child’s appearance. In the old days, one of the things you could have at least given Indians credit for was their neat appearance, but this youth was dressed the same as any bandit from Morvant or John-John — voluminous trousers with the waistband way down by his knees, revealing boxer shorts emblazoned with what looked like tiny AK47s, and a massive t-shirt with some big logo on it.

Overpriced dial-up – the only way forward

Just spoke to Lenny Saith and told him to put the brakes on the FastForward programme. Also left a voice mail for Sam Martin suggesting that TSTT hold off on those broadband speed increases they’ve been proposing. Saith said it was a done deal: all he had to do was have his IT people unblock certain ports in the Ministry firewall so as to allow employees access to Facebook and MSN Messenger once more, and productivity would automatically plummet. I’m hoping Martin tells me those speed increases are just one of the standard carrots TSTT dangles periodically in front of consumers – this one to prevent them from Flow-ing away (hehehe). (Note to self: call Flow too).

Secure once more

Another security breach on the blog today, as evidenced by the comments in the right-hand column. Unfortunately I went and replied to them, making the situation worse, but the idea that Bollywood stars are passing off photos of my home as theirs really upset me, and chivalry demanded that I defend poor Jenny Sharma from accusations of cosquel-ness (coskelity? I never know how to spell this).

The upshot is that Saith has been fired. My new IT advisor is Christine S’s nephew, who had the blog locked down again in minutes. What’s even better is that he did it all over the phone, which saved me from having to explain to Hazel why a ten year-old Indian boy was poking around inside our computer.

About those house photos. . . .

I know I shouldn’t be blogging on the Sabbath, but as the site is Hazel-proofed once more I figure I can take the risk. Besides, even Jesus plucked grain on the Sabbath (Luke 6, v. 1-11), and who is Patos to think he is better than the Son of God? I also woke up this morning with my stomach not feeling too good (suspecting the cow heel soup Jerry Narace and Chin Lee brought over yesterday as a peace offering) and I told Hazel I wouldn’t be able to make church, so I have the house to myself for the next four hours, at least.

Speaking of house, I’ve been meaning to address the issue of those leaked house photos that have been circulating via e-mail. (Note to self: insist that all attendees at the National Awards ceremony taking place here on August 31 surrender cell phones and cameras at the door). A few people have inquired as to whether the photos are real. Others have asked me if they’re “for real”, as if to suggest that Hazel’s and my taste in interior design was questionable or something. I understand as well that one member of cabinet has been going around describing the style as “drug-lord chic”, and Hazel said she overhead somebody referring to it as “Jenny Sharma-esque” (which we both take as a compliment, actually). As I always remind myself: “Jealousy is cruel as the grave: the coals thereof are coals of fire, which hath a most vehement flame” (Song of Solomon, 8 v. 6)

Fake blogs are dangerous

This is a dangerous trend.

Now people are going to think I’m not really the Prime Minister of Trinidad and Tobago. The Internet is bad.